Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The Prodigal Part 1

The past year and a half, the Lord has been walking me through the Prodigal Son through my life. Through that it sparked a love for writing.  I am pretty excited  about this piece of writing. It brought healing to my life when I didn't expect it!
         I went home for a summer with my kiddos last summer. Went to a little church in a town where I lived for a while in foster care. See I went to a Christian school, lived with a Christian family, in a Christian community. Fast forward to me at 18, partying, living with my boyfriend/fiancĂ©, knowing how I was living my I ignored everyone from back home and then...........pregnant! I love my son but being pregnant was the worst time in my life. I became so depressed and all I could think about was my shame and how I Let everyone down and they were going to be so disappointed in me! So I never went back and disconnected myself from everyone I loved! Fast Forward  15 years,  I am nervous as I am getting ready to walk through the doors of the church I once attended and its like a reunion night, everyone is home for the 4th of July so they are having a special service. I felt shameful and gross and uncomfortable in my own skin. I was late so I didn't have to mingle with anyone (on purpose) and sat in the 2nd to last row in the far corner. Even though I was SO uncomfortable I had a sense of peace over me, I just closed my eyes and worshiped. I cant remember at what point I saw him, my foster dad, a man that I  LOVE so much as a father and holds a crazy special place in my  heart for him. He was the kind of father I dreamt of as a kid. Fun, loving, quirky, strong, sensitive, would read the bible after dinner and pray before bed, compassionate, just awesome! Well he didn't recognize me at first but then he did and grabbed me and told me how much he loved me and was proud of me and well everything was a blurr I just remember crying and the feeling of release, like letting go. In that moment I felt it washed away years of filth and shame I had projected on myself. I went home feeling like I was on cloud nine, as light as air, so free, like a little girl in a meadow twirling among the daises! Then it clicked, I was like the "Prodigal". I got my bible out and read it. Oh my gosh, it was INSANE,  the part of the Prodigal it came alive in a different way that I understood, so I wrote it through my eyes and feelings.


Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Miracle Jubilee part 2

Miracle Jubilee:......I just love this girl. I have a great admiration mixed in with a little fear for the world when she grows up! She loves hard and can pack a mean punch. She will be a fierce to be reckoned with! She is deaf in one ear and has a substantial loss of hearing in the other ear but really, you would never guess it! She never wears her hearing aide, and she has speech issues just because how she hears things then articulates it but again you would never know! She does not let it hold her back! I am not the most affectionate. I constantly have to make an effort to remember to be affectionate, Its just not me. She on the other hand is one that likes to hang on you and hug and kiss, supper affectionate.I ask God to help me constantly with that so I don't snuff that out in her. God just has to do a lot of healing in me on that area yet! But God gave her to  me and he knew I would need help bringing that part out I guess! When she grows up she wants to be a mom, teacher, ninja.
She ask us weekly when we are going adopt a baby sister for her to play with! She's my little muffin!

Lord, I shake my head with so much to pray for with this little muffin! She puts a smile on my face everyday! I pray her future husband is compassionate and patient with her and looks at her as if she the only one in the room! I pray she feels loved to the very core of her being. Protect her, guide her. May your voice be louder than the world!