*FLUKE: I don’t believe in accidents, I Believe everything happens for a reason.
Romans 8:25~28
The more I want my children to surrender their “WILL” God reminds me that I have yet to fully surrender mine! OUCH! Let me tell you we have 6 strong willed children and it is soooooo frustrating I can’t IMAGINE how God feels, and yet he hasn’t SMITED us yet. Oh and did I mention we have a 3 ½ month old baby boy (foster care) that we have in our house as well. The baby was by pure fluke. We were just doing respite for this mother who is an addict and this is her 1st child. She LOVES him and WANTS to parent this beautiful, loving, sweet little boy but just needed help. SO we would watch him 2 days a week while she would go to her meetings and such and it was going good till she got evicted, and relapsed. Now we have him full time as a foster child.(so if you’re keeping count that’s 9 children we have) I really like this mom and hopes and prays she can do it. It’s so easy to look at the situation and judge it, but I am reminded of my struggles and realize that I am no different with my own sin. So how am I so blessed to be able to have all these children in my life, then the guilt comes because I know I should do better, more patience, more loving, more grace, more, more, more and yet daily I fail. Remember the “smiting” us part, I am always looking for the lightning rod. LOL.
“FLASHBACK” I was a child that was in foster care. I know that there is A LOT of bad stigmas with the word “FOSTER CARE”. I am not going tell you that all foster parents are good or all are bad, I just know that I had 2 different homes and both were amazing and life changing. At the time I was 12 in my first one and 14 in my second. Both gave me such different things, both I needed and I didn’t know it at the time but I believe saved my life. From the start I told my husband I am going to do foster care to hopefully change a life like mine was changed, and I am going to adopt if you’re not down with that good bye! Lol
Well obviously I did not scare him away yet! The other part to this desire was that I was also adopted. And that’s a WHOLE another time.
So we are in the process of adopting this wonderful, beautiful, loving, stubborn, strong willed, 17 year old boy. He has had our heart at day 1 when we met him. Again another fluke. He has been in care since he was 2 years old. Passed around state to state, family to family. Strong willed does not even describe it because he has never had. So stepping up into his life “trying” to be this parental figure is difficult for him and for me. He has never needed to include or submit or share with any parent before. And as for me, one whose going through this surrender thing is making it more…hmmm….let’s just say challenging. I am trying to find that balance to let him go and keep him close and teach him. The other challenge is that I, a kid, coming from care and such can see all the same survival tools that he has and MY strong will kicks in because I will not let him use them on me. LOL. I have worked hard to rid myself of those tools (bad habits, or hindrances) Let’s face it, they are games to mask whatever is really going on, so we tend to butt heads a lot these days because I DON’T BACK DOWN. See the “will” thing. Haha So yes I am on the tug of war game trying to learn when to let go, and when to pull.
Lord~ Thank you for today and all that I have learned. Forgive me for not seeing all the blessing you gave me today or looking at my life and giving you Praise instead I grumbled and complained. I have a crazy beautiful family, everyone is healthy and in their beds. For that alone I THANK YOU. I pray for the family that is looking for their little boy. Oh LORD JESUS. Please show them where he is! I Pray protection on my children. Protect their hearts. Help us to continue to grow in you. Stir our hearts.
Lord I pray for your direction on a house, my mind is busy and my house is loud so its sometimes hard to hear you soft, gentle voice, I ask for BIG road blocks and NEON open doors. Thank you that you have not given up on me.
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