Sunday, December 13, 2015

Prodigal part2

    Scripture says: The "Prodigal Son" came to his senses and went home to ask for a servants  job in his father's house. A far off distance the father saw him, ran to him and filled with compassion for him, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:19-20

            I don't know if it was that easy or simple as it says, but as I read the story to me it was filled with much more love and emotion than I first read. But doing some more reading and wisdom from a friend I realized it was not entailment that he freely walked away but it was the love from his father and the relationship they had that he knew he had that freedom. Yes it broke the fathers heart but the son knew he loved him. I tend to believe it was his shame of disappointing his father that kept him away.

          ~ Walking up the road towards home. Sweat dripping down my face, partially because its hot and but mostly because I'm scared. I have walked this road a 1000 times wanting to go home. I tell myself "he will never again love you as his child". I squandered my inheritance and I have shamed him. Some where the rebelliousness and pride turned into the shame and guilt that is visible on my tattered torn clothes. The stench of my sin is seeping from my pores. I walk a little slower as I kick the stones beneath my feet. I rehearse what I will say and prepare myself for the rejection from my father. How do I address him, Father, sir. As I continue to walk my stomach growls, my lips are dry, "I am starving and thirsty"! I will go and ask for a servant's job in his house for he won't recognize me, for I was a boy when I left but now I am a  man! I started to notice familiar things, "I am getting closer".  Now my stomach is in knots. I stop a couple of times to vomit along the side of the road. The Shame rises up and tells me to turn around and run. The lies in my head are saying, "You are no longer worthy to call yourself son, look at you in filthy rags, wanting to go back to something that is no longer there".  I suddenly froze, there it is, my father's house. I can see him from a distance.......I can still turn and walk away and save myself from the rejection I know I will get and deserve. I see him. He looks as if he's running toward me yelling my name. I feel my heart pounding I am trembling in fear. Why is he running towards me? If my feet didn't feel like a 1000 lbs I would turn and run. "Come on feet move". Scared of what he might do I will just beg for forgiveness.  He's still yelling my name. How did he recognize me? My heart feels like it's pounding in my feet. He's almost to me , still yelling my name. I go to blurt out "I am sorry, forgive me, Please, I'm sorry", but not sound came out, fear has me frozen, waiting for my justly punishment. He grabs me and pulls me to him. My face is buried into his chest. He's holding me so tight. I hear the moan echoing from his rib cage. I grab on to him so tight like my life depended on it. I feel his back vibrating under my hands and his tears are falling into my hair. My Father was sobbing over me! With every sound he made or tear that fell, I felt more and more whole. Shame gone, guilt gone, unworthiness gone. I tried to muster out the words I am sorry, forgive me, but I couldn't, I was crying to hard. Instead I heard the words " I am so proud of you", "I love you". Oh how I longed to hear those words. He called me his beloved and called out for his servant to fetch him a robe, sandals and a ring. Not just any robe, "he exclaimed" but the BEST robe. I had seen that robe before on my father. He would wear it proudly on special occasions. It was to show his position and authority amongst others. He wrapped that robe around me and put the ring on my finger to show my position and importance so that no one could condemn me. I was alive and well and once again called his son. As he put the sandals upon my weary feet, he prayed, "These my son are to help you walk in the ways of the Lord and not to stumble". He rose up and with great joy he announced " Now we must celebrate, for my son that was once dead is now alive, he was lost and now is found"!


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